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04:36 pm
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the british police are the best in the world...
... i don't believe one of these stories i've heard..
here's another of benjamin franklin's amusing stories that i have little doubt are not true:
Sure some unauspicious cross-grain'd Planet, in Opposition to Venus, resides over the Affairs of Love about this Time. For we hear, that on Tuesday last, a certain C-n-table having made an Agreement with a neighbouring Female, to Watch with her that Night; she promised to leave a Window open for him to come in at; but he going his Rounds in the dark, unluckily mistook the Window, and got into a Room where another Woman was in bed, and her Husband it seems lying on a Couch not far distant. The good Woman perceiving presently by the extraordinary Fondness of her Bedfellow that it could not possibly be her Husband, made so much Disturbance as to wake the good Man; who finding somebody had got into his Place without his Leave, began to lay about him unmercifully; and 'twas thought, that had not our poor mistaken Galant, call'd out manfully for Help (as if he were commanding Assistance in the King's Name) and thereby raised the Family, he would have stood no more Chance for his Life between the Wife and Husband, than a captive L-------- between two Thumb Nails.
-- The Pennsylvania Gazette, June 24, 1731.
any ideas on what the "L----------" at the end is? a louse?
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| 04:25 pm
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anthony afterwit
amongst other things, i am currently reading ben franklin's collected works (0940450291). in the 1730s he bought a newspaper and press. he then filled the newspaper with silly and often 'moral' tales, which he had obviously just made up. many of the stories are highly amusing. i also love the use of language from that era, especially the amusing ways they use capital letters, the ways they spell and their twee phraseologies.
here is a letter from "anthony afterwit"...
Mr. Gazetteer,
I am an honest Tradesman, who never meant Harm to any Body. My Affairs went on smoothly while a Batchelor; but of late I have met with some Difficulties, of which I take the Freedom to give you an Account.
About the Time I first address'd my present Spouse, her Father gave out in Speeches, that if she married a Man he liked, he would give with her 200l. and in some Measure neglected my Business on that Account: But unluckily it came to pass, that when the old Gentleman saw I was pretty well engag'd, and that the Match was too far gone to be easily broke off; he, without any Reason given, grew very angry, forbid me the House, and told his Daughter that if she married me he would not give her a Farthing. However (as he foresaw) we were not to be disappointed in that Manner; but having stole a Wedding, I took her home to my House; where we were not in quite so poor a Condition as the Couple describ'd in the Scotch Song, who had
Neither Pot nor Pan,
But four bare Legs together;
for I had a House tolerably furnished, for an ordinary Man, before. No thanks to Dad, who I understand was very much pleased with his politick Management. And I have since learn'd that there are old Curmudgeons (so called) besides him, who have this Trick, to marry their Daughters, and yet keep what they might well spare, till they can keep it no longer: But this by way of Digression; A Word to the Wise is enough.
I soon saw that with Care and Industry we might live tolerably easy, and in Credit with our Neighbours: But my Wife had a strong Inclination to be a Gentlewoman. In Consequence of this, my old-fashioned Looking-Glass was one Day broke, as she said, No Mortal could tell which way. However, since we could not be without a Glass in the Room, My Dear, says she, we may as well buy a large fashionable One that Mr. Such-a-one has to sell; it will cost but little more than a common Glass, and will be much handsomer and more creditable. Accordingly the Glass was bought, and hung against the Wall: But in a Week's time, I was made sensible by little and little, that the Table was by no Means sutable to such a Glass. And a more proper Table being procur'd, my Spouse, who was an excellent Contriver, inform'd me where we might have very handsome Chairs in the Way: And thus, by Degrees, I found all my old Furniture stow'd up into the Garrent, and every thing below alter'd for the better.
Had we stopp'd here, we might have done well enough; but my Wife being entertain'd with Tea by the Good Women she visited, we could do no less than the like when they visited us; and so we got a Tea-Table with all its Appurtenances of China and Silver. Then my Spouse unfortunately overwork'd herself in washing the House, so that we could do no longer without a Maid. Besides this, it happened frequently, that when I came home at One, the Dinner was but just put in the Pot; for, My Dear thought really it had been but Eleven: At other Times when I came at the same Hour, She wondered I would stay so long, for Dinner was ready and had waited for me these two Hours. These Irregularities, occasioned by mistaking the Time, convinced me, that it was absolutely necessary to buy a Clock; where my Spouse observ'd, was a great Ornament to the Room! And lastly, to my Grief, she was frequently troubled with some Ailment or other, and nothing did her so much Good as Riding; And these Hackney Horses were such wretched ugly Creatures, that --- I bought a very fine pacing Mare, which cost 20l. And hereabouts Affairs have stood for some Months past.
I could see all along, that this Way of Living was utterly inconsistent with my Circumstances, but had not Resolution enough to help it. Till lately, receiving a very severe Dun, which mention'd the next Court, I began in earnest to project Relief. Last Monday my Dear went over the River, to see a Relation, and stay a Fortnight, because she could not bear the Heat of the Town. In the Interim, I have taken my Turn to make Alterations, viz. I have turn'd away the Maid, Bag and Baggage (for what should we do with a Maid, who (except my Boy) none but our selves.) I have sold the fine Pacing Mare, and bought a good Milch Cow, with 3l. of the Money. I have dispos'd of the Tea-Table, and put a Spinning Wheel in its Place, which methinks looks very pretty: Nine empty Canisters I have stuff'd with Flax; and with some of the Money of the Tea-Furniture, I have bought a Set of Knitting-Needles; for to tell you a Truth, which I would have go no farther, I began to want Stockings. The stately Clock I have transform'd into an Hour-Glass, by which I gain'd a good round Sum; and one of the Pieces of the old Looking-Glass, squar'd and fram'd, supplies the Place of the Great One, which I have convey'd into a Closet, where it may possibly remain some years. In short, the Face of Things is quite changed; and I am mightily pleased when I look at my Hour-Glass, what an Ornament it is to the Room. I have paid my Debts, and find Money in my Pocket. I expect my Dame home next Friday, and as your Paper is taken in at the House where she is, I hope the Reading of this will prepare her Mind for the above surprizing Revolutions. If she can conform to this new Scheme of Living, we shall be the happiest Couple perhaps in the Province, and by the Blessing of God, may soon be in thriving Circumstances. I have reserv'd the great Glass, because I know her Heart is set upon it. I will allow her when she comes in, to be taken suddenly ill with the Headach, the Stomach-ach, Fainting-Fits, or whatever other Disorder she may think more proper; and she may retire to Bed as soon as she pleases: But if I do not find her in perfect Health both of Body and Mind the next Morning, away goes the aforesaid Great Glass, with several other Trinkets I have no Occasion for, to the Vendue that very Day. Which is the irrevocable Resolution of, Sir,
Her loving Husband, and
Your very humble Servant,
ANTHONY AFTERWIT.
Postscript, You know we can return to our former Way of Living, when we please, if Dad will be at the Expence of it. -- The Pennsylvania Gazette, July 10, 1732.
two weeks later, franklin printed a letter of complaint also written by himself from "Celia Single". this is his common practice and he often writes as a woman. he's a funny guy, and even though i have only read ~200 pages of ~1600, i recommend this book.
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06:12 pm
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japanese mistakes you don't want to make
This is from the latest JList newsletter, always amusing, if often inaccurate/misleading:-
I feel bad about these lapses, although I know that I've given as good as I got, providing my Japanese hosts with many hours of amusement thanks to my own language slip-ups over the years, like the time I tried to order some mango juice, and, er, nevermind, it's a long story.
It took me a few seconds to get. Now I don't want to explain... Just remember that foreigners often have problems distinguishing clearly between a syllable with a diacritic and a syllable without. That's all the explanation I'm giving you. :-p
It reminds me of a time when I was out with the other oxbridge grads studying with me up in Fukuoka. It was probably in our first month there. Time came to leave the restaurant/izakaya. One of the others - I know which, but I'm not telling - decided to ask for the bill, something we should all be able to do no problem. She must have been a little the worse for alcohol, because "kanojo wo kudasai" popped out of her mouth - something like "a girlfriend, please", or "give me her, please". She meant kanjou, rather than kanojo - and apparently knew the moment she said it. It was probably deliberate.
Later we sometimes deliberately asked for a 'kanchou', or an enema, to get the staff to laugh. That's our story and we're sticking to it.
The JList guy's error is 'rude'r.
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09:22 pm
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what would jesus do?
another great cartoon from one of my favourite online comics:
[click for the full sized image]
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: Eric Clapton - She's Gone
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12:26 am
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tom cruise: is this a wind-up? has he always been this dippy?
oh yes， and i'll still occasionally post *some* of my usual things here： the ones that are not suitable for an educational site like abelard.org。 at the moment， i think that will mostly mean things that make me laugh， but have no other real significance。 maybe other categories will come to me with time。
this is something that amused me：
Tom Cruise is planning to eat the placenta after fiancèe Katie Holmes gives birth to their child.
The actor, 43, said: 'I thought that would be good. Very nutritious.'
But when it was pointed out it would be a big meal, he added: 'OK. Maybe I won't.' a couple of years ago i wrote two items about a real cannibal。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Various Artists - Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker Op.71a - Peter Tchaikovsky (Russ
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12:47 pm
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new zealand: leading the world in cryogenics and census dodging
i'm told that these people are the new zealand equivalent of the uk's monster raving loony party， although they are more a local than a national political party：
 A sniffly Laird McGillicuddy Graeme Cairns was today recuperating at home after surviving 12 hours of cryogenic freezing in a chilly bid to dodge responsibility for filling out his census forms.
The good Laird was yesterday declared "legally dead" at 11.55am by his medical entourage of Dr Freeze, Dr Snakes, Dr Beere, Dr Weeds and Dr Qualified, who mixed the science of cryogenics with the dark arts of shamanism in Garden Place.[...]
"We have frozen him to minus 175C, or any other number you care to name. He's out cold, as it were. We don't understand all that legal stuff, we just freeze him." [...]
Dr Qualified said cryogenics was a highly complicated procedure, but couldn't help but note credulity is at an all-time high in Hamilton. "Hands up who knows how science works?" he challenged, to blank audience stares. "Yes, you people will believe anyone."
Dr Qualified argued the cryogenic process could lead to an explosion of a future cannibalism industry, in much the same way as frozen shipping allowed sheep farming to take off.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Bonnie Tyler - It's A Heartache
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09:38 am
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is civil obedience illegal?
some students from georgia (the state， not the country) decided to drive at the speed limit on an american motorway ("highway" in yank) to see what would happen。 they filmed the experiment (19.2mb) for a university film competition。 a legal blogger has commented that driving at the speed limit in this way could well be illegal。 the discussion has been joined by various humourless idiots and at least one of the videomakers。
so is it illegal to 'maliciously' obey the law？ the 55mph speed limit is routinely broken and the police are apparently instructed to not stop anyone doing less than 75mph。。 but they'll stop you for doing 76mph and charge you for going 21mph over the limit。
this is what happens when you have illegimate law： first nobody obeys it， then they actively mock it。 at the same time， the illegimate laws are used as excuses for harassment of those to whom the authorities take a dislike and bribes from those who are they think they can squeeze， which largely means the generally law-abiding and timid middle-classes。 in other words， illegimate law corrupts both the public and the police。 meanwhile law enforcement and legimate law becomes associated with the illegimacy， thus themselves becoming objects of mockery and disobedience。 in other words， illegimate law makes real criminality more acceptable and more widespread。
the speed limit laws are a minor example of illegimate law。 in america， and most of the west， the greatest problems of corruption and criminality stemming from the illegimate law are caused by the criminalisation of 'drugs'。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Rolf Harris - That's What They Call The Didgeridoo
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09:08 am
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the other zionazi conspiracy to steal all the oil
it seems the waskelly joooooooooooozzzzz are good at keeping their dastardly conspiracies secret until it's too late：
As it is only too well known, Moses, aside of his sterling qualities as a spiritual leader of our people, decision maker, confidant of the Creator, etc., was not a very successful tour guide. To start with the unfortunate necessity to part the Red Sea waters, caused by a simple navigation mistake (holding the map upside down), the 40 years of wandering in the desert and the choice of the location for the settlement…
Not only is the location a bit on the poor side where the milk is concerned and not precisely the world empire of honey, but, ironically, being in the middle of the most oil-infested area in the world, it does not have any oil to speak about.
But now, after ten years of clandestine and dangerous work, the pioneering horizontal drilling project is finished, and Israel became the world leading oil producer! there are pictures and further explanation at the link。 i'm surprised they didn't just invade in an illegal war while lying about weapons of mass destruction。 oh wait， that's their other conspiracy。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone
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11:42 am
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how to save money, not recommended
a novel form of 'saving'：
A co-worker of mine is so cheap that he bought one of the portable electric batteries that you can charge up for emergencies, like jumpstarting your car or running appliances off of during camping trips, and brings it to work everyday and lets it charge in his cubicle. He then takes it home and runs his lights or microwave off of it. He says he is forcing the company to pay him a little extra by taking electricity home. He also tries to time all of his bodily eliminations to occur at work so that he uses company water for flushing etc… to further save himself money and cost the company.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: [none]
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| 11:34 am
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mullah logic
i don't see how this threat is anything new given their claim that they will use the nukes that they aren't developing to "wipe israel off the map"， but the twistedness is still amusing：
Dr. Abasi, an advisor to Iran's Revolutionary Guard, said Tehran would respond to an American attack with strikes on the Dimona nuclear reactor and other strategic Israeli sites such as the port city of Haifa and the Zakhariya area.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: [none]
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10:27 am
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takbir
michelle malkin may be shallow， emotional and boring in her writing， but she's good with the funny videos (and pictures)。 watch as the leader of a tiny "new black panther movement" demonstration sounds off in front the danish embassy in washington and in front of a similarly-sized group of danish flag carrying counter-protesters。 it is worth at least a giggle or three。
takbir is apparently "Praise or glorification of God (as in Q 74:3, etc.). The declaration of the formula Allahu Akbar (God is Most Great)."
i particularly like his "if all these police and cameras weren't here... you have a lot of nerve!" - he's probably just about unspecific enough to avoid harassment/incitement laws。 he also does bombastic fire-and-brimstone preaching as only an american can - i keep want to get to my feet and heckle "yeah, preach it brother!"。 ＾_＾ these are the people that the fossil media is running in fear of。 pathetic！
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Pet Shop Boys - Left To My Own Devices
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03:05 pm
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the internet is for porn
here is a short animated video for a song explaining what the internet is really for。 very cute， very funny， thoroughly to the point： it is a masterpiece。 watch and laugh。 it is somewhat ribald。 it seems to be from a musical i have never heard of： "avenue q"。 the soundtrack appears to have other amusing sounding songs too。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: the internet is for porn
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12:33 am
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time to boycott carrefour; the correct way to wear a burqa
they say a picture is worth a thousand word， so here are two thousand words。 both pictures come courtesy of samizdata。
 
carrefour is one of the largest supermarket chains in france。 the burqa wearer is hip hop singer lil kim， who apparently subscribes to the bizarre theory that "nobody looks at the mantelpiece when stoking the fire"。 either that or she's really ugly。 i wonder if that burqa would also be considered unsuitable for a french state (us： public) school。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: [none]
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07:00 pm
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fisk writes a book
the review is amusing：
It is difficult to turn a page of The Great War for Civilisation without encountering some basic error. Jesus was born in Bethlehem, not, as Fisk has it, in Jerusalem. The Caliph Ali, the Prophet Muhammad’s cousin and son-in-law, was murdered in the year 661, not in the 8th century. Emir Abdallah became king of Transjordan in 1946, not 1921, and both he and his younger brother, King Faisal I of Iraq, hailed not from a “Gulf tribe” but rather from the Hashemites on the other side of the Arabian peninsula. The Iraqi monarchy was overthrown in 1958, not 1962; Hajj Amin al-Husseini, the mufti of Jerusalem, was appointed by the British authorities, not elected; Ayatollah Khomeini transferred his exile from Turkey to the holy Shiite city of Najaf not during Saddam Hussein’s rule but fourteen years before Saddam seized power. Security Council resolution 242 was passed in November 1967, not 1968; Anwar Sadat of Egypt signed a peace treaty with Israel in 1979, not 1977, and was assassinated in October 1981, not 1979. Yitzhak Rabin was minister of defense, not prime minister, during the first Palestinian intifada, and al Qaeda was established not in 1998 but a decade earlier. And so on and so forth.
The deeper problem with Fisk’s work is not the sort of thing that can be fixed by acquiring a better research assistant or fact-checking apparatus. Facts must be placed in their proper context, after all, and this demands a degree of good faith that Fisk utterly lacks. Indeed, so blatant and thoroughgoing are his ideological prejudices that his very name has entered the lexicon of the Internet as a synonym for systematic bias. Among the online commentators known as bloggers, the verb “to fisk” has come to mean a point-by-point rebuttal of an egregiously slanted piece of writing—like, classically, a Fisk dispatch from the Middle East.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: 長渕剛 - いのち
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04:55 pm
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quote of the day: abelard on catholics
it is clear most papists believe in birth control unless they've suddenly all gone sterile en masse from praying too hard... taken from a discussion on how interpretable 'holy' text can or can't be， with particular reference to the koran and whether islamism can be civilised as christianism has largely been。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Marcella Detroit & Elton John - Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing
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07:10 pm
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testing sharon's reactions
another silly from yourish， this one tracking the attempts to cautiously awake the ex-prime minister：
2:19 p.m.: Finished last reaction test. PM poked me in the eye while I was examining his hand. Could have sworn I heard laugh. Yossi says I imagined it. His turn now. Will watch and wait.
2:24 p.m.: PM’s left hand now has middle finger extended. This is the most curious reaction I’ve seen in all my months as a resident. Must do more research on this: Go home and watch ER DVDs. [...]
2:40 p.m.: Yossi leaning over PM’s leg the wrong way while testing for reaction. There was definitely a reaction. Yossi only took five minutes to recover from the kick. I think I saw tears. Asked him if he wanted me to finish test. Yossi limped and picked up his clipboard, then glared at me. Not my fault he wasn’t smart enough to position himself away from the kick. Or wear a protective cup.
2:45 p.m.: Testing is finished. PM is smiling. Wasn’t smiling when we started. Eyes still closed. Middle finger of left hand still extended, but right hand relaxed.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: A-Teens - Upside Down
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| 07:04 pm
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because we are sensitive: sniffer goats
apparently some in the middle-east don't like dogs and even consider them 'offensive'！ the israelis， not ones to be dissuaded by such improbable excuses， have now developed a bomb-sniffing goat： guaranteed inoffensive， at least until the next fatwa。
"When I served as a dog trainer in the army, there was a problem of getting dogs into certain vehicles due to the presence of Islamic holy books in the car. The placing of dogs in homes also provoked fury and anger among people who were not involved in terrorism and were merely screened. Compared to that, a goat is a very friendly animal and it is accepted in the Muslim world," Zin said.
His breakthrough came with a young goat he was raising, Lalosha, who is able to sniff out explosives.
The minute she identifies explosive material, she sits down, giving a signal to a soldier next to her that the individual in question must be carefully checked. just remember that ladies： muslims like to be sniffed by goats， not dogs。 did i really say that out loud？ sorry about that。 don't know what i was thinking。 i think i'll go sign up for some extra sensitivity training forthwith。
lead from this amusing and informative israeli blog。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Siouxsie & The Banshees - Peek-A-Boo
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02:47 pm
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"The impact may have looked something like this"
hilarious artist's rendition and caption over at the bbc。
apparently nasa saw a meteoroid hitting the moon， sorry "slamming into it"。 the fossil media at its surreal best。
lead from frank j， who is claiming responsibility as part of his plans to nuke the moon。
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Björk - I've Seen It All
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09:13 am
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prurient politicians
some unnamed eu politicians are apparently objecting to some new bits of 'art'：
A poster showing the lower body of a woman with her legs spread and wearing EU-flagged underwear has also caused uproar in the media and among politicians, demanding they be removed. why is it that the politicians want to remove her underwear? i thought they usually try to "cover up" that sort of thing。
[lead from dvh]
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Texas - Breathless
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11:56 am
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tikrit interview & christmas song
two items that aren't really related， but i got them from the same place and they're both amusing in the same sort of absurd way： a video interview with some angry terrorists in tikrit， iraq， and a short christmas song aimed at the inoffensive market。 you can see a picture of audra rocking over at instapundit， where i got these two。 enjoy。^_^
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: The Zombies - She's Not There
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